Thursday
Mixing Up and Switching Out
Efren Zimbalist, A loyal reader, writes:
Clever doesn't equal funny. This post was like reading Ikea instructions.
".....Clever doesn't equal funny......."
Nor does it equal art - are you listening Damien Hirst?
Clever, however, can be quite funny if through its effective use cognitive dissonance is generated and/or the reader is possessed of the disparate knowledge necessary to make not-so-immediate connections, which are in turn used to reveal truths. For instance, the English humour magazine Punch published a cartoon of the English general Sir Charles Napier, the conqueror of Scinde(present day Sindh Province, Pakistan), at the moment of his victory with the caption, Peccavi. Very clever and very funny. And as for sarcasm and humour, just because you do not perceive them does not mean they are not present. We all have embarrassing cognitive impairments. And for some of us, our impairment is not consciously perceived.
"......This post was like reading Ikea instructions......."
You actually read IKEA instructions? The BESTÅ BOÅS TV Storage Unit has 27 pages of assembly instructions which do not contain a single word - in any language. Nowt but line drawings of the various parts - many of which are missing - and Caucasoid anthropoids - always including a female to confirm how easy the assembly can be. Never any words!
Unfortunately, I have never had the pleasure of purchasing IKEA product, but I do believe my awesome spatial skillz would serve me well. I've witnessed how IKEA assembly can drive folks Knutsorp.
Yes. I know. I am clever, very clever, but not actually funny.
It's an albatross I must bear.
Um, how about view IKEA instructions?
I'll accept that.
Rats!
I was hoping one of you lot would respond to my obvious fuck-up of the quaint English idiom, "A cross I must bear". I had a wonderfully clever riposte - in Rime even!
Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the albatross
About my neck was hung
God save thee, Efren Zimbalist
From the fiends, that plague thee thus
Why look'st thou foul ? - With my bat-cowl
I fucked the ALBATROSS.
Astronomically funny to those familiar with me, Coleridge and "The Rime".
Well thanks for the inclusion in the poem. I'm okay with mixing up cliche's and metaphors so you switching out cross for albatross worked well for me. I think you might dig William S Burroughs if you haven't already read anything by him that is.
"..........I'm okay with mixing up cliche's and metaphors so you switching out cross for albatross worked well for me........"
This is commendable. I am not, however, "okay" with having to read phrasal verbs like, mixing up; switching out.
How's about addling or befuddling for the former and transposing or exchanging for the latter? The Queen's is a beautiful thing. It saddens me to witness native speakers really fuck it up.
William S Burroughs?
You mean the infamous William S. Edgar Rice Burroughs, right? The author of "Tarzan's Naked Lunch"?
And I quote:
"Jane? Although I am an extreme example of the archetypal feral child, noble savage and white messiah figure - largely unburdened with character flaws or faults - Tarzan still want more Mugwump jism."
Something like that.
I don't think you're trying. Is it because I'm Asian and female? If so, I'll understand.
See the side bar to the right. I's the seedy, sordid and vexatiously untoward demimondaine in red. I am reasonably certain you are quite capable of the calibre of coruscating invective that I have grown to cherish and love in my intercourse with The Caucasoid. Must I beg?
The Isle of Cunt
Okay, now listen!
It's bad enough this blog attracts visitors from Kenya, Cyprus and the USA, but I've just been informed by The Tutor there's been a Manxman skulking about.A fucking Manxman!
Twice!
Take that testicular agenetic Triskelion and that inane motto of yours, Quocunque Jeceris Stabit, and fuck off! And take those caudal agenetic cats and those freakish corniculate polygenetic Loaghtan sheep with you too!
They're as fuct as those tree-climbing goats they have in Morocco!
UPDATE
And there have been fuckers from Gibraltar and the United Arab Emirates here of late too! I beseech you in the bowels of the divinity of your choice to leave me be.
Friday
Blind Turk Covers Finnish Polka
Docha just wanna Dance?
P.S. Cats should not react to Finnish Polkas, it's just unseemly.
O Captain! My Captain!
Arthur Christopher Orme Plummer was born in the same city as The Tutor - a few years earlier, mind. It is unlikely The Tutor will expire in Connecticut though.
The Tutor was hoping not to be alive when this happened.
O Captain! My Captain!
O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.