West Side Story

So there I was at the Bangkok Majorca Tapas Bar and Grill hoping to catch a glimpse of Rita -

I like to be in America!
O.K. by me in America!
Ev'rything free in America
For a small fee in America!

In come two Iberians, dripping with machismo - The shades, the sperm-killer trousers, the boots, you get the photograph. It seemed I was in their path. Before I was able to make way for these Castilian cunts, they presented and appeared to confront me.

Me: "Battle? If so, you would be wise to hit me first and hit me hard. Why?, because if I get up I will come at you and I will not stop until you are dead. And I do not mean 'dead' in the school yard threat of: "Give me your lunch money or you're dead meat" way, but in the complete cessation of bodily functions way.
Your heart will cease to beat. Your neurosynaptic transmissions with stop. Your bladder and bowel will void themselves. You might even ejaculate. Your facial features will become a pulpy ooze, your trousers will have their seams split and your shoes will be forever scuffed. Understand?"

Hombre #1: "Que? No English speak."

Me: "Oh? Nevermind. Dos Cervezas?"

Did you know that iron wood does not float? It seems the volume of water it displaces is less dense than the wood itself. Accordingly the piece of iron wood is not buoyant and sinks. It sinks like that other kind of wood, Natalie.