......................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)......................................


Saturday

Quick Tuna Salad Sandwich Recipe


INGREDIENTS
Produce
Olives – 20 pimento-stuffed about 1.5 cm wide
Dill Pickles – 5 about 8 cm long, 2.5 cm wide 
Carrot – 1 about 15 cm long, 4 cm diameter at wide end
Kale – 100 grammes – leaves only, thick stems removed
Onion – 1 about 8 cm diameter
Garlic – 7 cloves
Tomato – 1 about 10 cm in diameter
Flesh
Tuna – 1 can about 120 grammes net, well drained with compression
Sardines – 1 can about 100 grammes net, well drained
Spices
Pepper – 15 ml fresh-ground black pepper
Wet Goods
Mustard – 60 ml yellow prepared mustard
Mayonnaise – 180 ml
Sriracha Sauce – 30 ml
Caesar Salad Dressing – 30 ml
Dry Goods
Baker’s Bran Hard Red wheat – 15 ml
Golden Flax Seed – 15 ml
Sunflower Seed raw – 5 ml
Pumpkin Seed raw – 5 ml
Sesame Seed – 5 ml
Poppy Seed – 5 ml
Chia Seed – 5 ml

METHOD
Step One
Combine all Dry Goods, mix well and grind for 6 seconds in a quality electric coffee bean grinder.  Place aside in a small bowl.
Step Two
Slice open sardines in the bottom of a very large mixing bowl.  Remove the spines and place on the side of the mixing bowl for separate processing. Mash the sardines with the tines of a fork.  Mash the spine until it becomes a paste. Remove the spinal column ‘thread’ and discard being careful not to remove any of the calcium-rich crushed vertebrae.
Flake the well-drained tuna into the large mixing bowl and stir to mix with the sardine flesh and ‘spine paste’
Step Three
Combine the Dry Goods prepared in Step One with the Flesh prepared in Step Two in that very same large mixing bowl and stir to mix well and put aside.
Step Four
Julienne the Carrot using a vegetable peeler onto a cookie sheet.
Tear the Kale into 5 cm square pieces onto the cookie sheet with the carrots.
Process the Carrot and Kale in a quality manual Food Processor (or chop very, very finely).  Process to a fine dry ‘mulch’ – NOT a wet paste.  Place in the large mixing bowl with the Flesh and Dry Goods and stir to mix.
Step Five
Slice each olive into a minimum of 6 small pieces. Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice Dill Pickles into 5 mm cubes. Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice Onion into 2 mm cubes. Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice Garlic into 2 mm cubes.  Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice tomato into 5 mm cubes.  Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Step Six
Add the Wet Goods and the pepper to all the previously well mixed ingredients in the large mixing bowl and mix/fold until a pasty aggregate consistency is attained.
Step Seven
Make about 8 sandwiches.


Me:  "Query?  How long does this take?"

The Tutor:  "About two and a half hours."

Me:  "Oh Dear.  Slow Food then?



Tuesday

The Original Lyrics?


Get out in the fields
And fight for your meals
And get your back into my living
I don’t need the light
To prove I’m white
I don’t need to be embarrassed

Don’t lie
Don’t raise your eye
‘Cause I gots white man’s privilege

The Young Rostov Girl

I always believed that only Audrey could play Natasha....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7PLRmnFOls


But then I discovered Lyudmila.......


This fair, young devotchka is the very essence of Tolstoy's Natasha Rostova.

P.S.  Lyudmila was born in 1942 in Leningrad.  That's right, during the siege.  How romantic is that?


Monday

Sesquipedalia Is Awesome!

The Tutor:  "You're a smarmy and sybaritic sylph of sycophantic sluttery VD.  What can I say?"

Me:  "What?"

The Tutor:  "What's the matter?  Do big words frighten you?"

Me:  "Only big, foreign words, I think.  Coming over here, filling up our sentences and keeping our good, honest indigenous words under-employed........."

The Tutor:  "I hate you."

Me:  "I know."

Tuesday

Chicks!

The Tutor likes this:


I like this:


It seems, we both like both,

Innit?

Wednesday

Well, I'm not the world's most physical guy



The Tutor:  "I love this song!"

Me:  "You know they're gayers, right?"

The Tutor:  "No way!  That's vicious Trump propaganda!  Fake news!"

Me:  "Oh dear,  I suppose you also believe Lola by The Kinks is about a hot chick, right?

The Tutor - stunned silence - "ermmm, no?"

Duelling Cunts


The Tutor Sings:
Hurricane ALT F Girl, fucked upon the hill,
Hurricane ALT F Girl, sounding very shrill.
Is she worthy? I don't think so.
Is she thinking? Yes, very slow.
Whatcha doing, ALT F Girl, you cunt?
Hurricane  ALT F Girl, rims a dappled mare,
Hurricane ALT F Girl, semen in her hair.
Is she oozing? Yes, I think so.
Is she horrid? Yes, ever so.
Whatcha doing ALT F Girl, you cunt?
Hurricane  ALT F Gir-rl
Hurricane  ALT F Gir-rl
Hurricane  ALT F Girl
Boop Boop.


The Boop Boop made it kismet doncha think?


I responded:
Mares are female horses, idiot.

The Tutor rejoined with:
Female horses over the age of three actually - unless they are thoroughbreds - then it's four.
And here I thought the restorative act of rimming was, anatomically speaking, gender neutral?
But I defer to you in matters concerning all things equine.
I's such a silly filly.
"Is she thinking? Yes, very slow."
Neigh, whinny and clippity-clop indeed


I further stated:
Your next line involves semen, does it not? Sorry for thinking you had flow, Tennyson.

The Tutor dug his grave deeper with:
Semen, like our love, comes in spurts. It doesn't flow; nor should my poetry.

Someone had blunder'd:
Yours not to make reply,
Yours not to reason why,
Yours but to rim and die:
Unto the sphincter of death
Oozed the dull ALT-F.


Okay!
Okay!
You're right.  In the original tune those two lines are connected in content.
I'll change the lyric to:


"Hurricane ALT F Girl, rims a dappled hare,"


Better now?


I pronounced the coup de grâce:
Yes. I love bunnies!

The Tutored pouted:
I hate you!

I wallowed in victory:
Peel me a grape!


Apologies to Donovan for soiling his masterpiece, "Jennifer Juniper".

Confessional

The Tutor:  My experience with NYC is not that expansive I’m afraid – mostly visits in an employment capacity to that architectural eyesore on the corner of First and East 42nd.  Leslie, the dear woman, has always been my chaperon whenever the two of us find ourselves concurrently in NYC, and by extension, Turtle Bay.  It was she who introduced me to the night life and the various venues where one is less, or more, likely to survive the evening’s festivities.  We Canadians are a frightfully cautious lot and Leslie, braving as she does the hurricanes, sinkholes and murder rate in New Orleans – her home port – and as an Honourary Masshole, is just the ticket.  And she is wicked Ginger arm candy.
My first date with the lovely and talented VD, coincidentally also in NYC, initially transpired much as any date might.  Though it was not really a date, we were, and remain, more ‘Partners in Crime’ than anything else.  At the restaurant, she proceeded to order everything on the menu - I was paying you see.  A tremendous amount of food, and wine arrived at our table.  I was expecting an equine feed bag to arrive as well, at some point.  She consumed all of the food and wine – including half the free bread sticks!  This five-foot-nothing Asian woman-child consumed more at that one sitting than I normally consume in three days!  I could not help but remark, “Goodness, Dr. M., do you eat like this at home?”  To which she responded, between mouthfuls, “No, but then they don’t expect to fuck me after dinner”.
I mean, how could you not just love to bits a woman like that?
She left with her bodyguard in Daddy’s Limo.  I took the subway."

Me:  "That's not how I remember it."

The Tutor:  "How so?"

Me:  "You stuck me with the bill."

The Tutor:  "Right, I remember that now."

Sway me smooth Sway me now





I am the loverly lady in the yellow on Jeanette's right.


Saturday

More of the Same


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Okay, I had to engage in a fuck-of-a-lot of research to understand this post and frankly, yawny, yawny, cunt, cunt.
It is not often that I am grateful I am not a Baby Boomer, but this time, I surely am.


Anonymous LC A S said...
In recognition of my talents, I shall deign smooches on your visage ;)


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Dearest LC A S,

Assuming you are addressing me, and let's be honest who wouldn't be, ask the fair SG what I think about the use of punctuation happy faces in verbiage ostensibly addressed to me.

Please to notice the deliberate misspelling of your name.
Interesting use of the word 'deign' without the preposition 'to'.  I trust this debasement will not be too unpleasant?


Anonymous LC A S said...
Actually, I was addressing my friend SG, who addressed me in the title of his post.

I don't know you, so it would have been rather crass for me to address you in such a manner.

Not to worry. I shall not address you again.


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Liar!
In fact, not only will you address me again, you will increase the frequency of when you do.  Then, you will begin to attempt to undress me.
As you are a pompous cunt, I reckon I will probably let you.


OpenID xbrudtb.com said...
Did someone forget their meds today?


Blogger Dave C said...
Someone is off her meds today.  And it's not LC.


OpenID xbrudtb.com said...
Dave C, concur.


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Oh how clever.
I did not forget my medications.  Unlike you cunts, I can write my own scripts.  The problem was a nasty contraindication and 'administration of medication' error - I took a suppository orally.


Anonymous GMLind said...
ALTC - some folks just don't know their place around here.
Your's is in the kitchen, bitch.  Get in their and get back to work and shut that yap that is letting all that moronic drivel spill out of.


OpenID jayinames said...
Sammichs, where are they?


Anonymous Tiberius said...
Oh look.  The aquarian cunt thinks it is people


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Oh dear.
Before I completely eviscerate the lot of you old white male cunts, I will need Mr. SG's permission.  It is going to be a bloody mess with the debris of shattered old-white-guy egos knee deep.
Do I have your blessing Mr. Soylent?

GMLind dribbled,

".......Your's is in the kitchen, bitch......."

Indeed. I quite like it there. Please to address me properly though; it's fucking bitch you thalidomide stump sucker. Best you get your milquetoast derogations upgraded, 'cause one fuck of a prolapsed and thrush festooned cunt is about to open the Gates of Hell on your sorry sagging arse white boy!

".........and shut that yap that is letting all that moronic drivel spill out of........"

You mean, "and shut that yap out of which all that moronic drivel is spilling"?  You are indeed an unlettered cuntribbit, ain't ya?  Are you not aware that ending a sentence in a preposition is something up with which Sir Winston and I will not put?


Dearest Tiberius. Are you aware that your Roman Emperor namesake had little fishes swim underwater and nibble on his genitals when he was bathing in his pool in his palace on the Isle of Capri? His little fishes were all little boys by the way.

jayinames?
You're a dullard who can't spell. I dismiss you outright.


Blogger Dave C said...
ALTC.

TL;DR


Comment deleted
This comment has been removed by the author.


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
That was me above.  I made far too many errors involving wayward chevrons.  It was best that the comment be removed from the state of human knowledge.

Dave C,

Don't you mean Too Literate; Couldn't Read?

TL;CR

Be honest, you'll feel better.


Blogger Dave C said...
You're saying words but all I'm hearing is, "Memememememememememe"


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Actually I am pixellating words, there is no audio involved. Accordingly, you are not actually hearing anything either, except perhaps the sound of your scrotum tightening as you re-absorb your testicles like a Sumo wrestler does for protection.
Your cognitively puerile perception of "Me-ad infinitum" is curiously enough, quite correct.

Now dance for me little man.


Blogger Critter said...
Methinks Cuddles is missing her/its nightly dose of 10cc's of Thorazine.


Blogger SG said...
ALTC--You chose...poorly.
LC A S is not a "cunt" in your Brit Twit-argot sense, and certainly not in the Mercan sense.  SHE is Seraphim, merely disguising herself as a machete-wielding, multilingual Mercan mom.
I suspect, but thankfully have not confirmed, that another of her avatars is Kali.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow, all this twat had to do was click the link, make a comment about assuming, and moved on.  LC A S's reference was there in the comment.  But noo....she gets called a liar.
By a spastic idiot who then has the nerve to loose her 3 brain cells to everyone else.  What a maroon.


Blogger Paulie said...
Don't know if I should join this fray, as usually I simply lurk and enjoy the site… but I have to say that I am laughing out loud at ALTC's screeds.

Gotta give credit where credit is due, and I suspect that LC A S would agree.


Anonymous jam2 said...
http://gizmodo.com/5873503/why-we-troll
SG, nice site ya got goin' on!
LC A S, you're the best-


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Apologies, SG, I mean no disrespect.  Nor do I harbour any malice of intent.  I would direct you and all your readers to the comment above from one Paulie.
Indeed she, as she must be a she, understands my hyperbolic word salads in the way they are ALWAYS intended.
I believe that if I were to append a punctuation happy-face to the terminus of one of my screeds, the meaning(s) of my dross would be apparent to most.  I do not do this because I consider it an insult to the bright folks for whom I pixellate and who comprehend my crap without this most pedestrian of clues.

One last kick at the can, though.....

The brave Anonymous Anonymous above bleated,

"......But noo....she gets called a liar.  By a spastic idiot who then has the nerve to loose her 3 brain cells to everyone else.
What a maroon......."

The exclamatory riposte, "Liar!" to the fair Ms. LC A S's declarative, "Not to worry. I shall not address you again." is a perfect example of how an affix of a punctuation happy-face would have helped others to correctly read my intention.  I would have thought, though, that my comment directly following the "Liar!" comment would have given the bright folks a clue.  As for your assertion of my spastic idiocy, you are only half correct.  I am indeed spastic, grossly so, but an idiot  I think not.  Idiots - those who would score between 0 and 50 on a Standardised IQ test - cannot be taught to read and write.  Now an Imbecile - those who would score between 50 and 70 on a Standardised IQ test - can be taught, with great difficulty, to read and write.  I think that I have successfully demonstrated my ability to both read and write.  I think it only apropos to consider me at least, at a minimum, a high-functioning Imbecile or perhaps even a border-line Moron (those who would score between 70 and 90 on a Standardised IQ test) if you would like to be generous.


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...
Oh I forgot,
:) :)
;)

:p

I don't know how to do them!


Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tsk, tsk...my name is Staky...many posting here know me and also know why I wouldn't create an account.  Has nothing to do with courage...so knock it off.  Set that shovel aside, step aside and climb out of that hole.

And scoring way above average on standardized IQ tests...I can say this after socializing with people from all walks of life...you can be "intellectually smart" but a "fill in the blank" idiot.  I've seen many low IQ folks with incredible common sense.  Many people consider idiots people who lack common sense.  This isn't some white paper on IQs, it's a freaking blog post about God-freaking-zilla for goodness sakes!!

I think it is a far conclusion to call your reaction spastic...same as knee jerk reaction or "shoot first, aim later"...it's semantics.  When people socially put their "proverbial" foot in thy mouth, I personally think this is idiocy...kind of along the lines of the term an intellectual idiot.

So may I leave you with a kind suggestions and I will gladly revoke my claim you are an idiot (at least a social one), my I "bravely" suggest you just say you apologize for being a rude "cunt" (using the term you refer to yourself...not one I like to use freely...it makes people bristle in my social circles so I try not to get to comfortable with so it becomes something not part of my regular vocab).  I refrain from any sarcasm, abrasive chatter and other oddities to people who don't know me because it prevents unfortunate circumstances such as this.  I'm quite after people will stop thinking of you as socially retarded.

You may find the group that rallies around LC A S and call her friend appreciate creative invective when used appropriately.  Just saying.

LC Staky BGOR


Blogger Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...

"....it makes people bristle in my social circles so I try not to get to comfortable with so it becomes something not part of my regular vocab....."

You mean "too", right?






Upon sober reflection, I reckon I could have been a tad more yielding and less Non U to the fine LC A S in my riposte to her direct rebuttal to me - especially her penultimate sentence; that was decidedly U.  Then again, my bon mot to her was conditional and my subsequent raillery of, "Liar!" so outrageous only the cognitively impaired, or Yank-fucks/Brit-fucks, would take me to be serious.  Of course I did not know at the time I was beguiling a sister with my proprietary hyperbolically profane coquetry.  She seems also to have recognized my gimmick as just that in her later response to Paulie.  LC A S will "give credit when it is due."  Now that's the spirit!  The subtle derogation of the word salads of yours truly!  I love it!  This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
I am concerned about LC Staky BGOR though, she seems a tad thick.  Freaking sarcasm and freaking satire from someone 'unknown' seems to escape LC Staky BGOR.  Just saying.

Sunday

Real Trance Music

Back in the day, The Tutor pronounced it, "Oxy-Genie"  and it was composed and performed by "John Michael Jar-eh"
Meh!
He be such a White Anglo, Innit?

Wednesday

Forty!

The VD - aka Pudenda Non Grata - aka Aquarians Love To Fuck, today enters her 40th year on this, our beloved planet.
Best you follow the following advice:

Friday

Why I Love Google


The above photograph accompanied a recent BBC World article on the Mini Skirt.  The person pictured is not named in the piece, but I was sure it was Natalie Wood.  To confirm my suspicions, I "Image Googled" it.
This is what Google found:


Oh dear
Dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Sunday

The Shy Type?.......C'est Moi!


Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way
La la la la...
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days


Now the old fecker requests that I wear vintage Mary Quant with either mary jane flats or zippered white go-go boots whenever we venture out into polite society.
And..........AND!!!!?
The nostalgic nonce wants me to redo my hairstyle to better reflect the aesthetic of the swinging sixties.  I've a choice:
I can have a Beehive like Dusty Springfield;
- a Flip like Elizabeth Montgomery from Bewitched;
- a Bob like Diana Ross during her Supremes days;
- a Joan Baez, when she was dating Dylan, mess;
- or the Sassoon inspired Twiggy cut.
Fuck them all.  I want La Seberg Coup or nothing!
Without that shorn-hair look to complement my not-so-haute couture ensemble, I can envision the following dialogue from passersby:

The Average Person:  "C'est vraiment dégueulasse."

Me:  "Qu'est ce qu'il a dit?"

The Tutor:  "Il a dit que vous êtes vraiment "une dégueulasse"."

Me:  "Qu'est-ce que c'est "dégueulasse?"

I'll have to run away, à bout de souffle.

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless
Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny
This dégueulasse feeling (dégueulasse feeling)
Make me long for your death
Go on (go on), go on (go on)
Yeah...




UPDATE
Only you, ALT-F, would ever attempt to connect Jean-Luc Godard's Breathless with the Corrs.  Here's a challenge; connect Polanski's Repulsion with Lesley Gore's Sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows.  Speaking of whom, either one of the hairdos of Ms. Gore or Ms Deneuve would suit me quite nicely too.
Bilious C. Pudenda - The Tutor




UPDATE II
You're on!
I quite like Catherine Deneuve's mane - and demeanour - in that movie.  I'm amenable to that.   I can identify with her.
Lesley Gore?  Not fucking likely.
Pudenda Non Grata - ALT-F - Vagina Dentata




Saturday

Memories?



There was a time when The Tutor and I could do this.
But not now, alas.

Here's The Buzz

Since The Tutor did this, I've no idea what goes on in his boudoir at night - or during the day.
An update:

The Tutor:  "I've a new pet!"

Me:  "Really?  You replaced me that quickly?"

The Tutor:  "Funny!  Yeah.  It's a mosquito.  I've named him 'Bloodsucker'.  Quite ironically I might add."

Me:  "Bloodsucker?  Ironically?  Him?  I get it."

The Tutor:  "The little beast flies about my head each night as I try to fall asleep.  His tonal discharge is oddly comforting.  I reckon Bloodsucker considers me to be a walking/sleeping Singles Bar for mosquitoes.  He figures a female will eventually find me and then he's 'In like Flynn' faster than you can say 'listen to my sexy 17kHz tone baby!' "

Me:  "Comforting?  I can see that.  You know the males only live for two to three weeks.  It's gonna be a short relationship followed by separation, heartbreak and the inevitable sad recriminations."

The Tutor:  "No time to lose then.  Bloodsucker needs to get laid!  And quick!"


Last I saw, The Tutor was outside in the back garden with his sleeves rolled going all Boko Haram on the swarm to catch a 'female' when it alights on his bare arm.  What neither of us know, however, is whether these haematophagous fuckers seek a bloodmeal before or after mating.  If it is after, poor Bloodsucker is going to have to swap gametes with a damsel already up the duff.  I hope he's into that sort of thing.

Friday

My Life


L'Origine du monde

It seems half of France is using the French edition of Google Image Search to discover the various locations on the Internet of the image of performance artist Deborah de Robertis 'performing' while sitting under Gustave Courbet's, L'Origine du monde (Origin of the World) (1866) hanging in the Musée d'Orsay, Paris.  The French Google Image Search dumps the frogs off at my latest post and the cheese-eating surrender monkeys are either too thick, or too lazy, to scroll down through my blog to discover the post that contains the photograph for which they are searching - my 'Queer as Cunt' post, HERE.

See HERE for the artnet news story of June 5, 2014
Please to notice how the Yankee editors of artnet news censor the photograph, but not the painting.  Oh those Yanks, Puritan prudes toting guns! 

See HERE for the reason why people were searching for that same wonderful sheela na gig in February 2016.


FRANCE Google Screen Capture

Then there are the large number of folks from Ukraine and South Korea being directed to my site by their particular Search Engines after querying the words, 'Woman Cunt'.


UPDATE
GERMANY Google Screen Capture

It seems the Krauts are doing it too!
Notice how the Google Image Search page is structured differently depending on whether you are German or French.  Go figure.  Innit?


UPDATE 2
I've no clue why this and my 'Queer As Cunt' blog posts have become ever so very popular of late.
Vulva Envy I reckon

Sunday

The New Novel

Me: “Wanna hear the opening line of my new novel?”

The Tutor: “Sure. Let’s have it”

Me: “There was not a sound about me save the susurrus of my feet and froufrou of my silk dress as I trod upon the corpses.”

The Tutor: “Catchy. What’s it going to be called?”

Me: “I’ve not decided. I’m vacillating between: ‘À la Recherche du Mal Perdu’ and ‘Thé danses du Khmer Rouge’.”

The Tutor: “The title’s in French, but the text’s in English?”

Me: “No”

Saturday

Dearest Cunt

As per my promise, below please find my witty retorts to your audacious queries. Your pixellated nonsense - barely articulated crude grunts, by the way - is rendered in bold red; to reflect the vivacious nature of your alleged Anglo-Saxon(1) ardour. My responses, rendered in bold black; to reflect the Stygian nature of  my Über(wo)mensch soul.

Anonymous Fair Anglo-Saxon said...

So far, so good.  Fair Anglo-Saxon you say?  Ha!  Yins are probably a fecking Ginger - in hopeless denial about it too I reckon.
Dearest Aquarians like to cuddle - aka "Vagina Dentata",
It's fucking 'love' to cuddle, not 'like' to cuddle.  Is your reading comprehension that fucked?  Do you perhaps consider the two words/concepts to be synonymous and therefore interchangeable?  Do you not know there is a difference?  For instance, I like Michael Caine, especially as he was in Zulu, but I love him in The Quiet American.
See the difference?  In case you've not seen the film, our Hero smokes a lot of opium and occasionally 'Irrigates the tight Mekong Delta' of a lithe Asian tart.  I can forgive him for making the two-backed beast with a Vietnamese-er though - 'cause that was all that was available and our man's got needs after all.  We Burmese have a special word to 'describe' the Vietnamese, but I would not be so indelicate as to reveal it here. 
I like my women like I like my coffee, er feisty…
Fuck off.  Coffee's for cunts.  And feisty?  I'll show you feisty when I go all Rorke's Drift with an Ulfberht on your sorry Anglo-Saxon ass for comparing me to caffeinated women.
I don’t think a doctor’s coat or scrubs would work as well as the ‘naughty nurse’ outfit.
Are you fucking mental?  Naughty nurse?  I am unsure from whence you hail, but if from the UK; that's just puerile Victorian bollocks.  And if from the Revolted Colonies; that's so Puritan flappy gee.
Still, from your photos I suspect you would look good in a plastic bag.
Jaysus fuck, ya moron, it's 'burlap sack', not 'plastic bag'!  Get your fuct anglospheric idioms right will ya?  Plastic bags, when re-purposed as accoutrement, especially the Tesco or Whole Foods variants, make me perspire.  Women should not be made to perspire - it's unwise.
Horses sweat.  Men perspire.  Women glow.
Very artistic and tasteful by the way.
Thank Ray Caesar, not me.  I merely usurp his vision for my own purposes of a curious conflation of utter self-loathing and sublime narcissism.
You wouldn't be in the market for a moderately wealthy ‘sugar daddy’, would you?
Define 'moderately'?  The Tutor, my current 'sugar daddy', purchased me from my father back in '05 for two goats and a bushel of shiitake mushrooms.  And they weren't your average ordinary goats either, they were those weird tree-climbing fuckers they have in Morocco.  Fuck me, those things creep me out!  Read my archives to get an idea of the dynamic between The Tutor and yours truly and then make him an offer - no goats.
I also spent an inordinately long time in ‘big school’ and unlike your delectable self I have a couple of proper degrees.
Proper degrees?  'big school'?  Fuck you!
My MD is not recognized in the Americas because I can't be arsed to file a petition - paper-work only - to get it!  Besides, why the fuck would I want to treat North American fat-fucks who deserve to die?  In the UK, I can ram 50 kilos of cold, flatulence-inducing proctological video equipment so far up a Brit arse I'll be able to tell if the cunt flosses his/her teeth or not - and get paid to do it!  The NHS recognize my credentials.   My BSc and MBA are well recognized the world over, the former from a Canadian 'big school' and the latter from a Yankee 'big school', so fuck the fuck right the fuck off!
Education is overrated don’t you think?
No it's not!  From whence I come, education can mean the difference between living a very short and brutish life eventually succumbing to starvation or getting the fuck out of there and into the pecuniary embrace of a neurotic westernized Caucasoid who believes 'love' is something other than a marketing concept invented to sell piña coladas(2) and snow tyres.  Your world view is so fucking Western-centric - it irks me to no end it does.
Unless it leads to a well paid job as a senior professional that is.
Fuck off again.  What is wrong with education for education's sake?  An elderly ball-bag sagging septuagenarian who does shit for money while keeping his collar white?  That's what the phrase 'senior professional' means to me.
When you have simmered down could you send me the other three links- just for the pursuit of my research into advanced pulchritude you understand.
What other three links?  Simmered down?
What the fuck kind of phrasal verb is that?
What about just 'calmed'?  There is no need for the preposition 'down' at all.  Besides, ending a phrasal verb in a preposition is something up with which Sir Winston and I will not put.  Advanced pulchritudinal research is it?  You electrum-tongued devil, I bet you say that to all the girls?
I thank you kindly. Furthermore your blog title doesn't mention ‘cuddle’ at all.
You noticed that?  Good for you.  Cunt!

ΦΥΧ  ΟΦ
Φ!

(1)  I am, of course, being kind, and a tad charitable I might add.  You Sassenach cunts are no different than those autochthonic Celtic cuntribbits of pre-Roman times in Blighty - only content when in your natural state of being drunk and fighting with each other.


(2)  I must admit though, I loves me some piña coladas and snow tyres are rather prudent here in the Canadas - for eight fucking months of the year prudent.  I do love swooning about and being whisked away on horseback and made love to on a secluded beach amidst crashing surf.  I especially enjoy the extra bonus of getting sand in the crack and sand fleas in my ears.