......................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)......................................


Saturday

Quick Tuna Salad Sandwich Recipe


INGREDIENTS
Produce
Olives – 20 pimento-stuffed about 1.5 cm wide
Dill Pickles – 5 about 8 cm long, 2.5 cm wide 
Carrot – 1 about 15 cm long, 4 cm diameter at wide end
Kale – 100 grammes – leaves only, thick stems removed
Onion – 1 about 8 cm diameter
Garlic – 7 cloves
Tomato – 1 about 10 cm in diameter
Flesh
Tuna – 1 can about 120 grammes net, well drained with compression
Sardines – 1 can about 100 grammes net, well drained
Spices
Pepper – 15 ml fresh-ground black pepper
Wet Goods
Mustard – 60 ml yellow prepared mustard
Mayonnaise – 180 ml
Sriracha Sauce – 30 ml
Caesar Salad Dressing – 30 ml
Dry Goods
Baker’s Bran Hard Red wheat – 15 ml
Golden Flax Seed – 15 ml
Sunflower Seed raw – 5 ml
Pumpkin Seed raw – 5 ml
Sesame Seed – 5 ml
Poppy Seed – 5 ml
Chia Seed – 5 ml

METHOD
Step One
Combine all Dry Goods, mix well and grind for 6 seconds in a quality electric coffee bean grinder.  Place aside in a small bowl.
Step Two
Slice open sardines in the bottom of a very large mixing bowl.  Remove the spines and place on the side of the mixing bowl for separate processing. Mash the sardines with the tines of a fork.  Mash the spine until it becomes a paste. Remove the spinal column ‘thread’ and discard being careful not to remove any of the calcium-rich crushed vertebrae.
Flake the well-drained tuna into the large mixing bowl and stir to mix with the sardine flesh and ‘spine paste’
Step Three
Combine the Dry Goods prepared in Step One with the Flesh prepared in Step Two in that very same large mixing bowl and stir to mix well and put aside.
Step Four
Julienne the Carrot using a vegetable peeler onto a cookie sheet.
Tear the Kale into 5 cm square pieces onto the cookie sheet with the carrots.
Process the Carrot and Kale in a quality manual Food Processor (or chop very, very finely).  Process to a fine dry ‘mulch’ – NOT a wet paste.  Place in the large mixing bowl with the Flesh and Dry Goods and stir to mix.
Step Five
Slice each olive into a minimum of 6 small pieces. Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice Dill Pickles into 5 mm cubes. Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice Onion into 2 mm cubes. Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice Garlic into 2 mm cubes.  Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Dice tomato into 5 mm cubes.  Place in the large mixing bowl and stir to mix.
Step Six
Add the Wet Goods and the pepper to all the previously well mixed ingredients in the large mixing bowl and mix/fold until a pasty aggregate consistency is attained.
Step Seven
Make about 8 sandwiches.


Me:  "Query?  How long does this take?"

The Tutor:  "About two and a half hours."

Me:  "Oh Dear.  Slow Food then?