................................................I was once known as Aquarians Love To Fuck (ALT-F). I am now Vagina Dentata (VD)................................................


I Fucking Love Drone-Strikes!

The Peshawar High Court in Pakistan has ruled that US drone-strikes are illegal, inhumane, violate the UN charter on human rights and surely constitute a war crime.  Successive American administrations disagree, stating that these 'arbitrary' and 'extrajudicial' executions of enemy non-combatants do not violate international law, and that the method of attack is precise and effective.
The Obama administration proffered this explanation on drone-strike policy in April 2012, concluding that it was "legal, ethical, and wise".
Those who are being targeted by drones in a foreign country are not protected under the general human right to life - it's war!  Targeted killing under the law of self-defence is not an action constitutive of "law enforcement" either so law enforcement standards of jurisprudence are not applicable.  The United States has every 'Right-by-Might' to fly its drones into any foreign country, especially one with which it is not already at war, and kill any person, or persons, it deems an 'enemy'.

So committed to the efficacy and legality of this sort of anti-terrorism engagement, I would think the great U S of A would have had absolutely no problem at all with the Royal Air Force and/or MI6 (MI5?) commissioning, in the 1980s and 1990s, the then extant versions of the Reaper or Predator drones to strike those Yankee Catholic fuckers in Boston and environs who supplied the fucking IRA cunts with treasure and succor during 'The Troubles'.
Legal, ethical and wise indeed.
And as far as some Librul feckers in the Revolted Colonies hueing, crying and whingeing on about the inevitable civilian casualties, I doubt that would manifest at all in earnest.  Not even in Boston itself.  Everybody, and I mean everybody - the Yanks especially - knows that if one finds one's self drone-striking IRA Terrorists in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, that any, hopefully massive, "collateral damage" could possibly only involve fucking Massholes.  Accordingly, if I might paraphrase Major General James Wolfe's assertion during the Battle of the Plains of Abraham regarding his Scottish soldiers, "they(Massholes) are hardy, intrepid, accustomed to a rough country, and no great mischief if they fall".

I'm not sure if that is Boston in the photograph since I've never been to Boston.  I can't be arsed to get my shots, which are free by the way up here in the Canadas, so I would not hazard to venture there.  Besides, it's in America - I might catch obesity and there's no pharmacological prophylaxis for that.



An Anglo version of Vagina Dentata

The fair Isabel

The Tutor Issues forth in the usual way from his pied-à-terre in Montmartre:
"Paris", he rhapsodises with impeccable banality, "is magic."
With the kitten-cute gamine Isabel on the one arm and the vamping courtesan VD on t'other, the trio of faux-bohemians set out through the haphazard array of Parisian arondissements.  Past battered cafés and not-so-fragrant Frenchmen they demur not in their pursuit of the ever elusive "la fée verte" of absinthe.  Seeking perfectibility. Yearning for that perfect moment - that peace that comes only from oblivion.

An Unfamiliar Mode of Consumption

The Tutor has graciously volunteered to hold the bag and tube for me as I partake of my sacred Baalche in the traditional fashion.


Oppa Pudendam Style

It appears Lilibeth was either the diversion he as the psychopath he is, needed; or the diversion he as the psychopath he is, deserved.
Either way, the man is sated for the time being.

Following, as he normally would, the legal concept of 'res nullius' - since this fallen seraph was not at the moment the object of rights of any other specific subject - he availed himself of her charms.  He even went so far as to invoke 'terra nullius' on specific parts of her ample anatomy.  Though there may have been many 'indigenous' gentleman callers 'residing' in this newly discovered 'land', it is the well respected legal right of the more civilized interloping gentleman caller to 'take' this 'land' and put it to good use.

He ate, drank and performed well.  And the fair, fey and fay Griselda will, without doubt, never be loved like that again.  Here's hoping?  Nevertheless and notwithstanding, better her than me.

He regaled the rich, curvaceously fleshy cherub, as he is often wont to do, with his readily evident and sublimely resplendent, ‘Dress Classy, Fook Klassy and Despoil Lassie' aesthetic.

His “Pudendam Style” is known far afield and its essence is not only well reflected in the laudatory folkloric narratives found among those who were unluckily anointed with it, but it also forms the basis of the expansive and grisly detail one finds in the intricately conjectured cautionary tales of those who were luckily eschewed.

The Tutor:  "See this Man Purse and matching Carry-On?  They're Hermes 'Caleche-express' valises. A '12h Document Holder' - CA $7,095.00 and a matching 'Petite Cabine Suitcase' - CA $7,425.00.  I believe that travelling, like all things, is just another opportunity to strike a pose.  After all what better way to commemorate time spent out-of-town, be it for vacation or because of an intractable psychopathic compulsion, than with fabulous Pudendam Style?  My on-the-go accessories are constitutive of my essence and must always be on-point(1).  All that remains is to pack these luxurious travel companions with equally dapper ensembles.
Do you know where I got the money for them?"

Me:  "Where?"

The Tutor:  "Man-whoring!  Did you see my new Tesla Roadster?  Do you know where I got the money for it?"

Me:  "Man-whoring?"

The Tutor:  "Stock Market, but I got the money for the Stock Market from man-whoring."

Me:  "You're gay."

The Tutor:  "So jealz!  You know what I'm sayin', Oppa is Pudendam style!  Eh! Sexy Lady, Oppa is Pudendam style!"

(1)  Some would have this phrase spelt, "en pointe".  I, personally, have always found the use of Ballet metaphor to be pointeless

The included photographs are, of course, an artist's impression of Lilibeth Griselda in Dupont.  Although quite an accurate representation, after two and a half decades of wielding such weaponry, the armaments have suffered a slight inconvenience of gravity to be sure.


Phuc you Facebook!

Let's see you stride naked with dignity and your head held high after you experience a Napalm issue.

Thought not.

It's 'cause your wife's Asian, yes?  Well I'm a delicate Asian flower too and it don't much offend me.  And to think, I heretofore believed your lucky Zhongguo nu hai to have married well.  I think not now.


I'm a Miandian nu hai.  The Missus will know.


Mach Two

The Luftwaffe lost nearly 300 of  its complement of 1,000 Starfighters (282 crashes and 115 German pilots killed in non-combat missions).  Erich Alfred Hartmann considered the F-104 a fundamentally flawed and unsafe aircraft and strongly opposed its adoption by the Luftwaffe.  He was correct. I figger!


Yankee Scholarship?

It was 47 years ago today.  Requiescat In Pace, Sharon Marie Tate


I've looked at clouds from both sides now.


The 'password' is my most favourite 4 letter word.


Blunt Force Trauma

At the bottom of the Empire State Building the body of Evelyn McHale reposes calmly in grotesque bier, her falling body punched into the top of a car.

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true.


Now this, my friends, is a fucking photograph.
A PHOTOGRAPH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it were not for the fact that this poor Ruskie died in 1999, I would have babuschka'd this comrade's ass six ways to Tuesday in Stalingrad (and his little cat too) just because this photo is so hot!!!

Now this:
This monstrosity is but a pale contrivance.  And the man with the Koala is German!!!!!!!!!!
Like. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww-the-fuck-ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!


Yuriy Valentinovich Knorozov - Born 1922


Sven Gronemeyer - Born 1978

Both brilliant Mayanists. Though truth be told, the former is a tad more brilliant than the latter.  Innit?


The Church of the Perpetually Impecunious VD

The other day I was walking down the High Street on my way to the Blacksmith's:

The Nice Man: "Excuse me Mam, would you like a free Personality Test?"

Me: "Thank you.  Very kind of you, but alas, I have no personality.  I'm boring as fuck."

TNM: "There's no need to be rude."

Me: "You're right there is no need, but it wasn't a question of need, it was more a question of want."

TNM: "What?"

Me: "Never mind.  This is Scientology, right?   And you are a salesman....... ermmmmm.......not-at-all-brainwashed proselytising adherent.  Yes?"
Pointing to the Scientology sign above the store front adjacent to where the two of us stood on the side walk.

TNM: "Ahhhhhh.....Yes?"

Me: "L. Ron Hubbard. Right?"

TNM: "Yes.  You've heard of him?  He is our Founder and Spiritual Guide."

Me: "Heard of him?  Are you mad?  That L. Ron guy changed my life!"

TNM: "That's wonderful."  His eyes lit up.   "How so?  Have you read any of Mr. Hubbard's works?  Did you visit our Website?  Facebook Page?"

Me: "Stalk Tom Cruise's Twitter Feed?   No, but I have been meaning to do all of that for some time now.  It's just I can't seem to find the proper-strength Over-The-Counter anti-emetic that I'll be sure to need.   Know what I mean?"

TNM: "Anti-emetic?"

Me: "Never mind.  About 5 years ago I listened to an old radio interview with Mr. Hubbard.  I happened upon it while researching Excremental Philosophies on the Internet for a seminar at which I was required to present a paper.  The man was well spoken and very insightful.  From this terrific, spell-binding interview, one particular declarative was epiphanous and hit me like a wooden-crate containing 200 kilos worth of unsold Dianetics paperbacks."

TNM: "We don't sell Dianetics.  We give it away for free.  What was it he said that changed your life?"

Me: "Well, and I quote from memory, 'If you want to get rich, start a Religion.'  I took his advice.  A wise man indeed."

TNM: "What?"

Me: "Would you like to come over to my place when you get off work for a free Personality Test and colonic irrigation with 18 molar H2SO4?  I have cookies!  Oh, and bring all your cash, and that of your relatives - and any loose change."

TNM: "Irri-what?  What kind of cookies?"

Me: "Oatmeal Raisin, but never mind.  You seem like a nice man, I would like to apologize for my rude words earlier, I've really no legitimate excuse.   I'd've(1) apologized earlier, but I'm cranky today.  You see, while watching television last night, I was browsing through the channels and came upon the FSM channel(2) - which was in the middle of streaming Battlefield Earth in HD.  I inadvertently tossed 'arf a brick at the screen and as a consequence that cluster of Body Thetans surrounding me got a tad perturbed.  It's like the Harrying of the North on my torso today - I'm so itchy.  I really loved that television too.  So I'm a little upset."

TNM: "What?"

Me: "Never mi.... ahhh... forget it.  I must dash now.   I've an initiation ritual for the latest batch of The Congregation For The Fiscal Preservation Of The Divine VD neophytes at the weekend and I still haven't purchased the new branding irons yet. Toodles!"

TNM: "Irons?"

(1) I'd've   I just love that double contraction.  I've no idea about its legitimacy, vis à vis The Queen's English, but I don't care, I love it.  And I just fucking adore adverbs, superlatives and the subjunctive case AND showing my readers, the cream of cunts that they are, how clever I am.

(2) Fucking-Shite-Movie channel.  The hyphens indicate that the compound adjective fucking shit is modifying the noun movie, not the noun channel.
The Channel is only fulfilling its mandate.  I can't fault it.


It has been brought to my attention - by The Tutor, of course - that this missive is only remotely funny, and to discern what little levity there is, requires in the reader a certain level of knowledge concerning the dogma of The Church of Scientology.  Fair enough, he's right, but I pixellate with the express understanding that my readership possesses this level of knowledge and cognition.  If a reader does not and is upset that I do not provide hyper-links for words and phrases I would suspect would require them if I was communicating with readers of that calibre - like as if I would deign to pixellate word-salads for people with that level of cognition and knowledge in the first place - they can fuck off.
Nothing personal.  You understand.

I Just Fucking Adore Global Warming!

Is there anthropogenic global warming?  I don't know and I don't fucking care.(1)  What I do know is that the combustion of ever-increasing quantities of Fossil Fuels - oil, gas and coal - generates tonnes of killer air pollution.  The kind of air pollution that causes much respiratory distress among those who out of insipid ignorance insist on engaging in respiratory gas-exchange leading to the oxidative phosphorylation necessary to generate their precious ATP - the fucking bourgeois organic-chemistry-lovin'-cunts.  As a wily psychopath, I am quite pleased with this air pollution thing.
Is it an encumbrance?  No it is not!
It is a weapon!
It is not unreasonable for me to believe that my singular use of fossil fuels over the years I've been resident in The Canadas, the use for much of which was for no good reason, has contributed directly to the premature deaths of several people; and I imagine them all to be white people too.
I'm a murderer!
Mea fucking culpa!  Of course, many would argue it is only involuntary manslaughter, not murder.
Fair enough, but I would remind these Libruls I have malice of intent, mens rea, there are no mitigating factors and there was a fuck of a lot of pre-planning involved; It's depraved-heart murder, and no mistake.   I am no different than that Dzhokhar character from the Boston Marathon bombing - my method just takes a lot longer to wreak its intended havoc.

Well, I'm such a killer
I got lyric fillers
And I'm hated everywhere I go...(Sounds like me)
I waste a lot of oil and I waste a lot of gas
At ten thousand gallons a go...(Right)
I do all kinds of spills that give me all kind of thrills
But the thrill I've never known
Is the thrill that'll gitcha when you get your pitcha
On the cover of the Rollin' Stone.

An arsehole

(1) Though truth be told, which it often isn't, I hope there is Global Warming and I hope that it speeds the fuck up!  It is -23 Celsius, that's -9 fucking Yankee degrees by the way, as I pixellate this and I am just fucking tired of the cold.

Apologies to Shel Silverstein and Dr. Hook et al. for doing that to your magnum opus.


The Learned One:  "We are not all the same. Can science and medicine one day grasp this simple concept? It seems unlikely” 

Me:  " Science agrees with you, but, politically, it does not bode well for social harmony if it becomes socially acceptable to differentiate ‘types’ of humans. It’s a slippery slope to the Übermensch and the elimination of those who do not measure up. We all have to pretend we are all equal."

The Learned One:  "Equal is not the same as identical."

Me:  "I agree.  Equal is not the same as identical– and this fact is not lost on the “U” ( as opposed to “non-U”) segment of society. The Papists, of course, would say, "Equal in dignity, not necessarily equal in god’s endowments."  We are all different on the outside but, I have it on good authority we are all very much the same on the inside. This has been amply demonstrated by The Tutor for he has spent years ‘examining’ the insides of all manner of Caucasoids, Mongoloids and Negroids with his penis."


I Fucking Love Her!

If you can't listen to all of it, listen at 3:30 to 5:00, Innit?

On 4 December 2009, Theron co-presented the draw for the 2010 FIFA World cup in Cape Town, South Africa. During rehearsals she drew an Ireland ball instead of France as a joke at the expense of FIFA, referring to Thierry Henry's handball controversy in the play-off match between France and Ireland.  The stunt alarmed FIFA enough for it to fear she might do it again in front of a live global audience.

The cunts should have listened.  The girl is incorrigible.

Gen End It you fuckers!


Hell, what can I say?

The Masshole "Bosstown" Sound

In case YOU Tube decides to delete the video - as it is wont to do on occasion, here:


This is the Poster Child of the Bosstown sound - 4,344 km away from its origins in the Haight of San Francisco.  Ms. Barbara Hudson’s vocals sound more Nico than Grace Slick, but she is neither.


Not bad
Not bad at all.
It Don't Beat



More Fun With Retarded Brits

".......pusillanimity......." ?

You can use the big words with me, they don't frighten me. Except maybe big, foreign words, I think. You know, filthy lexical migrants coming over here, filling up our sentences and keeping our good, honest indigenous words under-employed.....


I'm totally nicking that one. Scathingly(1) near-homophonic to pederasts!

As for your use of the Greek Cassandra myth, I think it rather malapropos. Firstly, she was not weak nor foolish. Misunderstood, even insane maybe, but not weak or foolish. Secondly, Cassandra's prognostications came true - her curse was that she would never be believed. Do you mean that the dire predictions of The Right Honourable David Cameron MP will come true and that those who deny these predictions and support the "Leave" campaign are synonymous with the folks who disbelieved Cassandra - and will be proved wrong?
Perhaps you mean that the predictions of The Right Honourable David Cameron of joyous and generalized beneficence of remaining in the EU will come true and his curse is the "Leave" campaign won't believe it?

".......dribbling piss down his expensively tailored leg....."

That is potentially rather callous of you. What if one, or more, of your readers had/has a relative(2) who was incontinent? There are many causes for this, not the least of which could be Traumatic Gynecologic Fistula caused by a violent gang-rape by a brace or two of Pakistani men behind a chipper in Newham?
Wouldn't you feel bad?
I inadvertently upset one of your dear readers a few days ago when I made light of TB. It behooves us to be careful about what we say. We don't want to upset anybody. Innit?

(1) Got that word from watching an old 1960s movie with Hayley Mills -
 The Trouble With Angels or some such.

(2) Perhaps the older sister of a reader's grand-mother about 100 years ago?
28 February 2016 at 14:41
Dearest mikebravo @ 28 February 2016 at 12:47

"......It will have it's(sic) Rumplestiltskin(sic) moment and disappear to annoy less worthy commenters......."

I know you are not reading this ordure, but I knew you had it in you!
You are a clever boy!
The Rumpelstiltskin allegory is very apropos for yours truly!
I spin the pedestrian straw of much of the content I find here in this Handy Comments Facility into Verbal aureus! Granted, for many ‘round ‘ere this "Aureus" is of the Staphylococcal persuasion. Nyuck!
28 February 2016 at 14:56
Anonymous Anonymous said...
This thing has got victimhood written all over it. In the mother language we call it æþryt.

Good piece by the way, Raedwald.

28 February 2016 at 15:14

Æþryt !!!!!

I know and love that word!

Æþryt Queynte
28 February 2016 at 15:27
*     Sterculian Rhetoric said...
*     Mr. Rædwald

"........Before 1600, little divided us in terms of advancement from the arabs, the asiatics and the chinese,....."

This is simply not true.

In the 13th century, Islam, India and China were developing mathematics with place-value notation, determining the Precession of the Equinoxes and writing 
exquisite poetry and treatises on optics and algebra while the Europeans were still swinging in the trees - metaphorically.

I agree that after the European Enlightenment of the 16th and 17th centuries, the Judeo-christian West left the rest of the world behind, but prior to 1600, the European Caucasoid was an ignorant buffoon. The Catholic Church kept The West under its jackboot of ignorance for 1,000 years. The Reconquista in Iberia, the Silk Road and interaction with the Ottomans re-introduced to Europe the learning from Ancient Greece, Rome and Asia. This kick-started and fueled the Renaissance. Oh, and maybe some Irish monks helped too.
28 February 2016 at 20:52
Blogger Malcolm Stevas said...
Raedwald, your libertarian tolerance is admirable but the "Sterculian" twit is making too much noise - like listening to the World Service on shortwave way back when, too much distraction. He/she/it is clearly very young, very pretentious, very prolix, and only does it to annoy. In lieu of arranging for its bottom to be smacked until it bleeds, please get rid of it. I would hate my longstanding enjoyment of your posts, and the commenters (most of them) to drive me away if this vermin is not controlled (i.e. extinguished) summarily. I suspect I wouldn't be the only one to depart...
28 February 2016 at 21:54
Anonymous Ed P said...
Well said Malcolm, I second that - his/her effluent has pissed me off too.
28 February 2016 at 22:34
Dearest Malcolm Stevas @ 28 February 2016 at 21:54,

Such vehemence
Such hatred.
Such intolerance.
Are you part of ISIS / ISIL / IS by chance?
You certainly have their mindset when it comes to inclusion and acceptance.

Please to enlighten me as to the 'noise' I am being accused of exuding today?
I respond to other commenters ONLY when attacked by them.
I do not 'start' a conversation with anyone except Rædwald.
Today I questioned the appropriateness of Mr. Rædwald's use of the Cassandra myth and his grasp of the level of Intellectual development in Medi-evil Europe. These queries were certainly en pointe vis-à-vis his missive above, and I argue, quite acceptable and legitimate comments.

In your eyes, what would I have to do to be an acceptable commenter(1). Must I become a lobotomized toadying sycophant with a cute diminutive which I use to address Mr. Rædwald in order to blend? "Raedmiester" or "Raedikins" perhaps?

Do you often threaten Blog Administrators with departure when you don't get your way? What was that you said about being young? Those threats of yours are like a toddler: "I want, what I want, when I want it!"
Also, I reckon you have a rather inflated sense of your importance 'round here if you think your threat might change behaviours. No one is important 'round here - except Rædwald. If I was Rædwald, I would not in the least appreciate being threatened.

I am as Queen Lear, a girl more sinned against than sinning.

(1) Yeah yeah. Leave. Right?
28 February 2016 at 23:05
Mr. Rædwald?

I will abide your wishes.

Let me know of them here, in this your most excellent Handy Comments Facility.

I invite all my admirers to contact me here: biliousity@gmail.com.
Through that private medium, y'all can tell me what you
 really think of me: unencumbered by legal restraints and societal norms.
28 February 2016 at 23:17